I’m 32 аחԁ look alot younger аחԁ cause mу childhood people always bullied mе οr tһουɡһt I wаѕ younger I feel inferior οr kinda emotionally stuck. Wһеח I see аח adult I feel tһеу look аt mе Ɩіkе I’m a child οr feel inferior аѕ іf tһеу wont respect mе.
Hοw саח I fix tһіѕ? I ԁο CBT ѕο wһаt CBT technique wουƖԁ уου recommend?
I do REBT, a form of CBT.
There is no logical external connection ‘now’ between your past childhood bullies and your ‘present’ feelings of inferiority. If there was, then voodoo or magic would exist as your childhood bullies would be waving a wand from the past and causing you to feel inferior now. It is more likely that it is how you are viewing your past or present that is causing your feelings of inferiority. Even if others influenced our thoughts and helped to create our negative view of ourselves when we were young and impressionable, they are not here now and therefore we are keeping and replaying those beliefs without their assistance.
You have a ‘preference’ not to look so young. You likely have your own valid reasons for not wanting to look so young. Like everyone else, you probably have now and will have in the future and endless amount of preferences, from where you will work , who you will have a relationships with, what you will or not do, how people will treat you etc, ad infinitum. Preferences are fine; they simply represent a desire. When preferences are not met then we experience healthy negative emotions. For example, I would prefer to have tried harder in school. If I had I would stand more chance of working in higher paid and happier work now (no certainty however) and therefore it is understandable that I would have this desire. The problems start when I do not accept that my desires and preferences do not have to be met. When I do not accept that there is no law in the universe to prevent me from not getting what I want or getting what I do not want.
If I acknowledge my preference to have tried harder in school, but accept it doesn’t need to be the way I want it, then I will feel disappointed, maybe a little sad, but importantly I will continue with my daily activities which push my life forward, I may cut my losses and go back to school making the best of my circumstances – my negative feeling will not be overwhelming and disabling.
If I acknowledge my preference and inwardly ‘demand’ it must be so and the fact that it isn’t proves life is terrible or I am terrible or others are terrible etc. then due to my non-acceptance of this unwanted situation I will experience extreme negative emotions that will not be constructive now. My extreme negative emotions and views are likely to interfere with my actions now, I may not feel like accepting that invitation to go out, or may not feel like writing that job application, or going to the adult college to pick up a prospectus. The negative possibilites will vary according to us individually.
So, to answer your question. Keep the preference of not looking young, but accept there is no earthly reason why you should not. It may be a pain for you, but things could always be worse, it may be difficult to deal with, but of course you can deal with it. and if it is an imperfection in your eyes, then there are worse imperfections and it says nothing about you as a human being.
Negativity is unavoidable, but it can be healthy (rational) or unhealthy (irrational).